Episode Summary: 

We've all had moments where we look back on a conflict, shake our heads, and think, why did I handle it that way?

With three decades of ministry experience, Donna Jones has had a front-row seat to--and been in the middle of--all kinds of conflict and she understands the regret, guilt, heartache, and hurt conflict can produce. But she also knows it's possible for God to use those chaotic, painful moments and turn them into opportunities for better connection with those around us. 

Whether you are dealing with daily disagreements or occasional blowups, our discussion on how to handle conflict will offer you a new paradigm, one where you learn how to honor God when you've been hurt, communicate when you'd rather retaliate, and move toward others when it seems easier to run away.

Have you ever looked back on a conflict and wished you'd handled it better? Donna Jones shares wisdom on how to handle conflict with humility, communicating effectively, and honoring God in tough moments. Learn how to turn conflict into an opportunity for growth and connection.

Quotables from the episode:

• Conflict actually serves as a platform for personal development.
• During that difficult season, I had to come to terms with something. I would have nodded and given an intellectual ascent to this truth that I'm about to say, but I didn't yet have to really live it. And that is that you cannot change another person. You can only change yourself.”
• You cannot change another person. You can only change yourself.
• I need to stop focusing and obsessing over the other people and start really assessing myself and how I'm dealing with this, that's when breakthroughs started to happen.
• I grew in my relationship with the Lord because I really got to the point where I had to invite God into this and just say, God, this hurts. I invite you into this pain. I had to search the scriptures and go, I can't do anything about them, but I am responsible for handling my side of the to your word.
• Even in the worst-case scenario, when there's not reconciliation in a conflict, there can be personal growth. Because you surrender and you start to go, okay, Lord, I, this is where I really am putting my faith into practice in the really hard stuff of life.
• What is the single most important quality necessary for handling conflict in a healthy way? And why is that important? There actually is one single thing that if this piece is missing, you cannot handle conflict in a healthy way. It's that important. And interestingly, Michelle, you brought up Romans 8:28. God causes all things together for the good, for those who love him, for those who are called according to his purpose, but Romans 8:29 is, for whom those he foreknew, he predestined to become conformed to the image of Christ. So how he works things out is he causes us to be more Christ -like. And that one quality that you cannot handle conflict well without is humility. And that's the mark of Jesus.
• Humility does not make us a doormat for exploitation. It makes us a doorway for conversation. You can still be angry and be humble. You can still speak your mind and voice your thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and be humble, right? You can still have boundaries and be humble, because biblically, humility is strength restrained. So, it comes from a place of strength. It doesn't come from a place of weakness. And see, when I allow myself just to be humiliated, that comes from a place where I don't have a voice. I don't have, you know, it's a place of weakness, not strength. But if I am choosing to be humble, that is me making a choice to restrain myself.
• "At its root, all conflict is really a power struggle." So, think about that, whether it's your toddler or your teenager or your teammate at work, when there's conflict at its root, it's really a power struggle, right? So, who's gonna get their way? Whose voice gets heard? Whose opinion is validated? Who, you know, it's a power struggle.
• So, what ends up happening is that when conflict escalates, we're vying for power. You know “you listen to me. No, you listen to me. No, you listen to me. No, no, no, you listen to me, right?” It escalates. This is why that humility is like the key because humility doesn't play the power game. Humility takes the escalation and it deescalates it and that's why it is the superpower for handling conflict.
• There's a sweet spot in the middle where we're not avoiders or not attackers. We are addressers. And these are the people who actually go, okay, this is conflict. Avoiding it is not going to make it go away. It's still going to be there and it's still going to be eating me up inside.
• Here’s one that most people don’t think of, but it's particularly lethal, and that's being dismissive. So when another person approaches us with a concern, when we say things like