80+ Funny Church Bloopers to Make You Smile | Funny Church Bulletins

Stacie Marshall

My mom actually shared this post of funny church bloopers with me the other day, and I got such a kick out of the humorous church bulletin announcements that I just had to share them with you. Because, well, who doesn't love funny mistakes quotes and other outtakes? (Plus I did a little research and found a lot more than were in the Facebook post. . . like a lot of them!) I hope these funny church announcements bring a big ole smile to your face. Who can't use a good dose of laughter these days! Amen?

FUNNY CHURCH BLOOPERS

Funny Church Bulletin Announcements

1. Church office will be closed Monday. Halleluia. Halleluia.
2. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
3. Mr. Bradford was elected and has accepted the office of head deacon. We could not get a better man.
4. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours.'

"Umm, Thanks?" Humorous Church Announcements That Give New Meaning to Gratitude

1. Thank you dead friends.
2. Thank you Steve, who once again has worked hard to clean the pastor off the basement floor.
3. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Church Humor | That's 'Sick'!

1. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
3. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Food For Thought | Funny Church Quotes About Food

1. A cookbook is being compiled by the ladies of the church. Please submit your favorite recipe, also a short antidote for it.
2. Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm -- prayer and medication to follow.
3. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
4. Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.
5. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
6. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
7. The missionary from Africa speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine: Name: Bertha Belch. Announcement: “Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the Way from Africa.”
8. Ushers will eat latecomers.

Blooper Church Announcements That Will Weigh on Your Funny Bone

1. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.
2. Jean will be leading a weight-management series Wednesday nights. She’s used the program herself and has been growing like crazy!
3. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    

Funny Church Clothes

1. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
2. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
3. Maundy Thursday service: The ladies of the altar guild will be stripping on the altar.
4. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Hymns of Praise . . . and Giggles

1. Hymn: I Need Three Every Hour
2. Hymn of Response: Crown Him With Many Cows
3. Visitors are asked to sing their names at the church entrance.
4. Stewardship Offertory: “Jesus Paid It All”

Funny Church Bloopers | Choir Singing . . . and Laughing

1. The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing 'Break Forth into Joy.'
2. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
3. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
4. If you need to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
5. Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
6. The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Sermons on Faith, Finding Jesus, and Falling Asleep

1. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
2. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Nelson's sermons.
3. The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
4. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
5. The sermon this morning: 'Contemporary Issues #3 - Euthanasia.' The closing song: 'Take My Life.'

Accidental Church Puns and Jokes in Announcements

1. Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
2. Ushers will swat the latecomers
3. Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.
4. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

YOU MAY LIKE: New Pastor Was Visiting Homes & Is In Stitches After Finding Note With Bible Verse In Offering Plate

'Isn't It Ironic?' | Church Bloopers That Make You Think

1. The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
2. Illiterate? Write to the church office for help.
3. The peace making meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
4. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
5. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Church Announcements Turned Funny Wedding Jokes

1. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
2. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
3. Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
    

Funny Church Bulletin Announcements About Kids

1. Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
2. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
3. Announcement to the Moms Who Care ladies group: There will be no Moms who care this week.
4. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
5. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the north and south ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Sin Quotes in Church Bulletins

1. This evening at 7pm there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
2. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
3. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
4. The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.
5. The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet should come forward and do so.

Church Announcements Designed to Give You 'Massage Envy'

1. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary…
2. Evening massage – 6 p.m.

Well, Hell-o! Funny Church Bloopers About Satan's Home

1. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
2. A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
3. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
4. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Church Announcements That Show Humor Isn't Dead

1. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
2. Don't let worry kill you off-- let the Church help.
3. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
      

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We hope that this list of funny church announcements gave you a chuckle or two!

Featured image credit: GettyImages/Robert Nicholas

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